I'm not going to write a book.
Not a cookbook, or any other kind of book.
Well, maybe I didn't lie exactly, but I did overestimate my dedication, time, and abilities. I don't have the slightest idea how to make a bunch of thoughts and words into an actual book. It's too big a project, given everything else I have going on right now. (And I'm sorry I still can't tell you about the rest of it, but please trust me when I say it's all good. Someday I'll be able to talk again.) Besides, I recently read somewhere that about 3% of published authors make enough money at it to make it worth the effort financially. I still live in a world where I need to get paid for my work, which is pretty funny, considering all the things I'm doing these days for no money at all. Turns out, sometimes we do what we do for the love of the doing, or the love of someone else. Sometimes we get paid in a currency other than cash. I'm OK with that... for now. But when I get to a place where it's time to Do My Work again, I damn well want to get paid for it.
Sitting here in a sort of creative limbo, I hum the Jimmy Cliff song to myself often, and try to be comfortable with the fact that nothing I have ever done before will work for me now, and I have no idea what to do next. In the flashing moments where I can let that be okay, an ocean of possibility opens up. The trick is drop the oars and just let my little boat bob in the waves. When I try to paddle, I only get tired and lost.
Looking at some of my strengths, I'm a blogger, not an author, a cook, not a chef, an artist, not a factory. It makes sense to me to keep cooking, keep feeding my family and friends, keep making notes, keep making stuff, and keep sharing my best successes with you here. I never really know what's going to work, in the kitchen, or in life either. I do know that writing a blog for the purpose of getting noticed, getting sponsors, and getting paid is a silly idea. But I don't know that a well-tended blog won't someday evolve into something bigger than the sum of it's individual posts. I only know that I don't know anything, and from that starting point, again and again, anything can happen.
I can't talk about my life right now, but I can talk about food. Stick around. Let's eat.