To be honest, I really only coveted a few of the things those people were given. The iPad would be wonderful, and the sparkly Uggs, in black, of course. The clothes didn't really suit me, and the panini maker would take up too much counter space, especially in the trailer. I already have a very nice frying pan, thanks. Some of the other stuff, like the huge TV and the Le Creuset cookware could be stashed away for when we live in a house again. And the diamond earrings... not my style at all, but I bet I'd wear them once or twice before selling them.
Only one thing caught me off guard, and it was a big one. The car. The brand new, so new it's still top secret, 2012 VW Beetle. All the lead up told me they were getting cars. I knew it before they did. But when it actually happened, I was washed over with a crazy wave of emotion, and I cried like a baby, right along with those people on the show. I felt like I had actually won a car, even though Rational Mind was yelling at me to shut up and get real. What can I say? It's embarrassing, but I felt it, and I allowed myself to feel it for a few minutes because it was fun.
I've given up a lot of stuff to make this "travel time" possible. As winter closes in, and it remains illogical to move back into our house, I'm finding myself missing some of the comforts a slightly bigger life would hold. Like a couch in the living room, and a bed for my daughter to sleep in when she visits in January, and maybe a different room to go in and close the door and just be by myself, and the hot tub... I really miss the hot tub. I also miss having a car of my own. We traded in two smaller vehicles to buy the big diesel truck that pulls our trailer. It's a wonderful truck, and it does its job well, but it's our only vehicle, and it's really hard for me to drive. The result is, Rick and I go everywhere together, and he always drives. Sure, I could take the truck and go into town, but parking is a problem, and I'm not confident driving that thing. It's huge and scary, and I just don't like it.
I've been yearning, in a silly dreamy schoolgirl way, for a cute little car of my own. From one extreme to the other, I was looking at Hello Kitty Smart Cars online the other day.
It's not at all practical for Taos, but Selfish Me, who I'm not very proud of, says, Well, at least it would be mine, all mine. True. I doubt Rick would want to drive it to the hardware store, although I'd sure take pictures if he did.
Anyway, my reaction to that car giveaway really surprised me. I don't need a car. I just want one. I don't need to live in a house again, but I want that too. We've been looking for Home for about a year and a half now, and I'm tired and ready to be there. I want to know where I live. I want to round up the pieces of my life and put them back together again. I don't want a lot, but I want to be Home.
Oprah said something at the end of that show that really gave me hope, not for anything specifically, but for the possibility of everything. She said something like, It's not about the stuff, although stuff is fun. It's about knowing that something wonderful can happen to us at any time, when we least expect it. I like that, and I'm holding onto it. When the time is right, Something Wonderful will find me. Until then, everything I have is already pretty wonderful. I just have to remember to see it that way.
Oprah inspired me to do the Gratitude Bracelet Giveaway. I'd been thinking about it for a while, but what she said at the end of the show cinched it for me. I'm not Oprah, but I do have the ability to offer some fun and hope and possibility in my own small way. All of us do. I can see how she must really enjoy doing that show on such an enormous scale. I'll bet it's as much fun for her as it is for the people who get all that stuff. I've always said my favorite thing to do with beads is to give them away. Ask Rick. He'll tell you. And I'm enjoying this bracelet giveaway so much, I think I'll do a new one every week from now until Christmas. I'd give you all bracelets if I could, but maybe it's just as good to share the message of Something Wonderful Can Happen... at any time.
Comment on this post to be entered in this week's Gratitude Bracelet Giveaway. One comment per post, please!