Wednesday, January 13, 2010

doubt

If you've been riding along with me here for a while, you know I can get more than a little discouraged sometimes. We all do... don't we? I see it all around me, and it's usually my job to say something comforting and encouraging. Cheer up, Ducky; everything's gonna be fine. And I believe it when I say it to somebody else, but when I'm the one bumped into the corner, banging my head on the wall, unable to find even a little window, let alone a door... well, then it's not so simple.

My dilemma at the moment is I just don't know what to do. I've had doubts about the reliability of beads as little income producers for a long time, but now I'm even beginning to doubt my own instincts. This is not good. This week, for the first time in years, I have not sold one single bead. Not one. I'm baffled. Have I been fired from my job? Isn't someone supposed to tell me? Don't I at least get to put all my stuff in a box and wander out to the street, dazzled by the blinding sunlight I'd forgotten to go out and play in for so long? And what about unemployment? Where's my little government subsidy? Where's my severance package? Where's my pat on the head and mumbled excuse? Thanks Kim. You've done a great job, but we just don't need you anymore...

OK, I'm being dramatic. Artists are like that. We can also be intensely self-indulgent. I sat up late last night, crying and drinking wine. Not pretty, and it didn't help. This morning I've taken it to a new level. I've caught Rick's cold, which is something I never do. I do not get sick. I'm too busy, too mean, too focused to get sick. I can't even say, I don't have time for this. I do have time. I can lounge around all day, for days even. It won't make a bit of difference to anybody but me. And I'm so mad at me right now, for not knowing what to do, I feel some sort of punishment is in order. Crazy. I know.

But way underneath it all, I also know that everything is temporary. Everything. This mood will pass. I'll hibernate for a few days and rest up for... whatever is next. Something is next. I just can't see it yet. Maybe it's still beads. Maybe it's something new. I've been playing with an idea that could possibly become a sweet little business. It's too soon to tell. I think the message I'm getting here, is something like, Shut up Kim. Stop trying to figure it all out. Rest, read, drink tea, knit. Rest some more. Wait and see. It will all be alright...

5 comments:

Diosa Del Desierto Corazon said...

Chalk it up to a cruddy economy, or even the fact that everyone is now getting their bills and are crying in their wine about what they spent at Christmas lol. I am sure it will pick up again soon; after all, Valentine's is fast approaching, as is my birthday on St. Patrick's Day. Time to start dropping those subtle bead hints at the ole hubby :)...

Don't doubt yourself, just breathe...

Penny \IiiI

sandi m said...

I feel your pain - what to DO?!
I lost my job 10 mos. ago - not pretty when you support yourself.

So my bead buying has reached a new low - zero buying. On one hand it's good cuz it's forced me to start using ALL the inventory I've accumulated. But then it's the same issue - you make, but who's buying?

Something's got to give, something will give - chin UP.

Hope you get over the germs quick!

Susan said...

Hi Kim,
I know how you feel. I have just had my worst week in the 7 years I have been selling on eBay. All the same things are swirling around in my head too. People just aren't buying luxuries as much any more. I will get better someday. Just when that will be is in question. Also, January is historically the most dismal month for sales anyway. So Chin up. I'm right there with you.
Susan

m.e. said...

the economy s*cks! Hey could be worse.You still got wine ..right?
I LOVE your Treasure Globes!
But, you know you need patience now!!! A bead like that might take some time to get rolling .
People see it , remember it ,then the next special trip or occasion they'll gather up tiny bits o'bead stuffing for their purchase .
Example : my daughter will be taking her Advanced Scuba test in June.I plan to bring home some sand ,shells etc from the dive site . Then order her a treasure bead for her Birthday.Pleazzzzeeee keep making them !
For now I'd suggest a big pot of hot homemade chicken soup.
Hang in... :) m.e.

NuminosityBeads said...

I finally have time to do beads full time but find my art shifting lately perhaps from being discouraged a bit by the slowing of gallery and bead sales. I decided that I can afford to let it ride (lucky for me) and let my focus be on creativity and perhaps the cycle of prosperity will return before I know it. Meanwhile I'll get creative enrichment and hope for the best on down the line.

I can't believe that you'd get snarky and mean comments, Kim!

Kim R.