Thursday, October 1, 2009

moving...


In the past, when I've moved to a new place, it was well planned and I knew about it far, far in advance. A house was chosen, and rented or purchased, schools and shopping were carefully considered, and I had a big truck filled with all my worldly goods strapped to my back, giving me a mixed sense of security and encumbrance. That's how a normal person moves, and I tried to be normal for years.

Today we're leaving Newport, Oregon, and driving down the coast for a while. At some point we'll take a left and scoot on over to Ashland. I am savoring this name and this day like a bit of deepest dark chocolate with sea salt on top. Ashland... It has been my dream to live there since before we moved to Taos. In fact, Ashland and Taos were neck and neck, and for reasons I've forgotten, the southwest won that particular coin toss. I think we needed to go there. No regrets, and many happy memories. But now I'm smacking my lips at the prospect of maybe, just maybe, actually getting to live in Ashland. And oh, what living I can imagine there.

All days are uncertain, but today is uncertain even more than most. We might actually be moving to Ashland today, or we might only be visiting. We won't know... until we know. This is not normal. I'm aware of that. It would make a lot of you queasy in your boots if you were plopped into my place. But believe me when I say, I love this kind of roller coaster ride. We are happily dancing smack in the middle of the Chaos from which all great dreams begin.

I'm resisting jumping across the canyon from this morning straight to this evening. I want to feel every bit of this whole long day. I want to take the long way over, down into the shadows, along the winding afternoon, and back up the craggy wall to Sometime This Evening, when we'll finally be there. Or maybe not finally. Maybe only temporarily. This day means a lot, and I still have to be comfortable with the possibility that it might mean nothing at all. No expectations? Not possible for me today. Low expectations? Too mundane... I'll settle for slowly melting, rich, sweet, salty, sticky, smooth slow expectations. Let's see where this day takes us.

3 comments:

kate mckinnon said...

Expectations in any form are a kind of bravery. I love them.

I've never been to Ashland, although I hear it's lovely. I'm fairly certain that I need more sunshine than I could find anywhere in Oregon.

Have a wonderful day, whatever it may bring!

TesoriTrovati said...

I am so delighted with your post today, with the delicious idea of melting slowly into expectations.
"happily dancing smack in the middle of the Chaos from which all great dreams begin" you have said a mouthful (or an eyeful, as it were!)
I know your path is uncertain, but I also know that you will take whatever comes with a grain of sea salt atop a dark chocolate caramel and just...savor.
Thanks for sharing your inspiration today! It is exactly what I needed to hear as I take my own leaps...and melt slowly at the prospect. Enjoy the day! Erin

Deb said...

I envy you!